Emotional Roller Coaster

When we started this journey, we were told that it would be an emotional roller coaster. I said, "sure, I know, I know."....BUT....little did I know how true that was.

As we started the process, we were excited, scared, determined and motivated. The first part was fairly easy. There was a lot of paperwork, but I'm pretty good at that sort of thing so it wasn't a big deal. Then came home study....again....not that big of a deal. I was more worried about it before it began than I was when it was actually happening.

After home study, we had our dossier to complete. Again...more paperwork....again...not too bad. Then it all started.....the wait....the emotion....the feelings.

We went on the waiting list on November 30, 2004. Woo, hoo....we're #6 on the list...we thought it would be a breeze and we'd have a referral shortly after the beginning of the year and we would definately have him home in the fall of 2005. As the weeks progressed, we found that no referrals were coming in due to the orphanage re-licensure issue in India. That was a little concerning, but I was still positive that we'd have him home before the holidays.

More weeks...months....passed. Still no referral. We started to get a little discouraged. In May, we were told that there probably would not be any referrals until at least July. We were crushed. I was an absolute mess. Even Charlie was pretty upset.

So...I settled in for a little longer wait. Knowing that probably in July we'd have a referral.

Then we got an email from our social worker saying they had 2 infant boys ready for adoption in Guatamela and they would like 2 families to switch programs. So...we prayed about that....talked about it alot....and looked at the whole financial picture. Neither of us slept much that night. We still were not completely ready to switch programs. I spoke with Tami on Monday and we decided to stay right where we were for a little while longer.

July rolled around. Still no license for the orphanage....still no referrals. Then....woo, hoo....we received word that the license had been issued. We were celebrating!!!! We knew that there were several children ready for referral, but we had no idea how many and if they were boys or girls. So...we waited some more.

At the end of August, the first referrals started coming through. But...there were no boys. Again....devasted. We did not know when or if any boys would be coming in this early set of referrals. So, we just prayed that God would comfort us and send our baby to us. But...I wanted him right that moment. All in God's time. That's easy for me to say now, but it wasn't so easy at that moment.

Finally, we received the call. There was a little boy for us to consider....BUT....he is special needs. Confusion, concern, fear, excitment....these were just a few of the feelings we had. We had anticipated referral day to be one filled with shouts of joy, lots of phone calls, tears, etc. What we were feeling on that day, was nothing like that. We had lots of questions. We didn't tell anyone that day except two of my very dear friends, Amy and Lori.

The day that we accepted the referral...THAT was a glorious day. All of the joy we had been supressing, the excitement, the tears, the "happy dance"....that all came out on September 14th.

So...it truly has been an emotional roller coaster so far.....and we're only beginning.